"How then does the great oak meet the storms of life if not to bend and sway? He breaks. He cracks. He topples. His roots upturned to the sky, the ecosystem he once supported left shaken in his wake. We, who are left behind, are left to compost what he once was, integrating his loss as best we can."
This whole article is So needed. Sharing. These lines in particular made me weep. My father was a toppled oak, by the time he died. I tried too hard, perhaps, to forge a deeper connection with him in his last months. It was heartbreaking to face the fact that it would never happen, and to face what he had willingly given up of himself in order to fulfill his role as the provider. Or maybe that he had been absent to himself (as well as emotionally absent to the rest of the family) for most if not all of his life.
And then, I recreated the wound of the emotionally unavailable, stoic, controlling, yet generous, providing father in my relationship with my former husband. And in the next two relationships with men that followed.
It's such powerful work to name, honor, and grieve what we have given up as a culture, in the Disney-fied/ Netflix-fied fantasies of the man on the noble steed, or the hero of the apocalypse that men are pressured to embody. Thank God there are men now who are doing the work of grieving and supporting each other in reclaiming themselves as whole beings. Thank God there are women who have been hurt by the wounds of men, speaking up for the men, giving support and understanding.
I grieve the loss of two younger brothers to suicide, that could not find enough support. One was my brother by blood, the other my brother in deep soul connection.
at the sexy primal age i feel as a 68 y/o, i find your delivery of this subject marvelous and your insight into all male health helpful. It is the 'age bracket' of men i have experienced they prefer an unexamined life no matter the consequences and poo poo any spiritual self help I exemplify. i think this is why the proof is showing up how i energetically attract men in their 50's . It's where i've experienced a level of men who care about their relating to self and others. I OBSERVE men in their late 60's and beyond are unsolisitous in their depth of understanding how life could be so fulfilling in 'doing their work'. Remaining victim and in their invisible child is such an archetype popular and convenient for many people of gender ID. thank you for addressing the topic with stats.
I'm honored it resonates. I felt that stats were important. I do try to incorporate sources when I write about a subject that isn't purely personal. Though this feels deeply personal to me.
Sorry I tried to correct a mistake and it posted instead. To continue. And the female who gets up every day and does what she has to do to survive because giving up isn’t an option for her both deserve our support and compassion
Everyone deserves compassion! And compassion looks like different things for different people. Practicing boundaries is meant to show others where the door is, not to cut them out of our lives, but we have to also be the gatekeepers of our peace.
I feel like women are a bit more open about our struggles, and that we tend to do at least a little better in gathering support than men do. And I am writing about this to that end, as opposed to voicing compassion for women's struggles, in this piece because it is Men's Health Month.
Very thought provoking. I found myself saying wait a minute, and okay but what about. In loving supporting relationships people do self care each other. Unfortunately many people don’t have a clue about how to live that kind of relationship. I could give example after example of life crushing acts by men
and then give example after example of the opposite situation. Ultimately I believe it comes to this, if a person cannot love themselves then they cannot love others. The fortunate ones saw and learned self love from birth. The rest of us have to teach ourselves. No one else can. Do not both the male who ends their life because the pain is too great and tje female who gets up everyday
Well this hit home! My father passed through suicide, and I wish there had been someone for him to talk to, but it really wasn't popular back then for men to take someone into their confidence. Thank you for articulating this so well.
Oh, lovely one... I am so sorry for your loss. I am hearing this from quite a few women. It is truly tragic. May they learn how to speak and we learn how to hold them.
What a gutsy topic to write about! Thank you, Justice.
I'm honored it resonated with you!
"How then does the great oak meet the storms of life if not to bend and sway? He breaks. He cracks. He topples. His roots upturned to the sky, the ecosystem he once supported left shaken in his wake. We, who are left behind, are left to compost what he once was, integrating his loss as best we can."
This whole article is So needed. Sharing. These lines in particular made me weep. My father was a toppled oak, by the time he died. I tried too hard, perhaps, to forge a deeper connection with him in his last months. It was heartbreaking to face the fact that it would never happen, and to face what he had willingly given up of himself in order to fulfill his role as the provider. Or maybe that he had been absent to himself (as well as emotionally absent to the rest of the family) for most if not all of his life.
And then, I recreated the wound of the emotionally unavailable, stoic, controlling, yet generous, providing father in my relationship with my former husband. And in the next two relationships with men that followed.
It's such powerful work to name, honor, and grieve what we have given up as a culture, in the Disney-fied/ Netflix-fied fantasies of the man on the noble steed, or the hero of the apocalypse that men are pressured to embody. Thank God there are men now who are doing the work of grieving and supporting each other in reclaiming themselves as whole beings. Thank God there are women who have been hurt by the wounds of men, speaking up for the men, giving support and understanding.
I grieve the loss of two younger brothers to suicide, that could not find enough support. One was my brother by blood, the other my brother in deep soul connection.
Thank you, Justice.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I extend my hand and heart to you. 🧡
at the sexy primal age i feel as a 68 y/o, i find your delivery of this subject marvelous and your insight into all male health helpful. It is the 'age bracket' of men i have experienced they prefer an unexamined life no matter the consequences and poo poo any spiritual self help I exemplify. i think this is why the proof is showing up how i energetically attract men in their 50's . It's where i've experienced a level of men who care about their relating to self and others. I OBSERVE men in their late 60's and beyond are unsolisitous in their depth of understanding how life could be so fulfilling in 'doing their work'. Remaining victim and in their invisible child is such an archetype popular and convenient for many people of gender ID. thank you for addressing the topic with stats.
I'm honored it resonates. I felt that stats were important. I do try to incorporate sources when I write about a subject that isn't purely personal. Though this feels deeply personal to me.
Excellent post and weel written and expressed. Thank you.
Thank you!!
Sorry I tried to correct a mistake and it posted instead. To continue. And the female who gets up every day and does what she has to do to survive because giving up isn’t an option for her both deserve our support and compassion
Everyone deserves compassion! And compassion looks like different things for different people. Practicing boundaries is meant to show others where the door is, not to cut them out of our lives, but we have to also be the gatekeepers of our peace.
I feel like women are a bit more open about our struggles, and that we tend to do at least a little better in gathering support than men do. And I am writing about this to that end, as opposed to voicing compassion for women's struggles, in this piece because it is Men's Health Month.
Very thought provoking. I found myself saying wait a minute, and okay but what about. In loving supporting relationships people do self care each other. Unfortunately many people don’t have a clue about how to live that kind of relationship. I could give example after example of life crushing acts by men
and then give example after example of the opposite situation. Ultimately I believe it comes to this, if a person cannot love themselves then they cannot love others. The fortunate ones saw and learned self love from birth. The rest of us have to teach ourselves. No one else can. Do not both the male who ends their life because the pain is too great and tje female who gets up everyday
Well this hit home! My father passed through suicide, and I wish there had been someone for him to talk to, but it really wasn't popular back then for men to take someone into their confidence. Thank you for articulating this so well.
Oh, lovely one... I am so sorry for your loss. I am hearing this from quite a few women. It is truly tragic. May they learn how to speak and we learn how to hold them.
What a beautiful tribute to men. Thank you.