This post has left me sobbing this morning. I realized last night that I had reached a threshold of tolerance again for how much I am willing to dissociate from and suppress the creeping disgust I feel seeping into my bone marrow around one of my roommates. I'd forgotten until you mentioned it that today is the solstice. PHEW, is it timely that it's actually warm and sunny here today. I woke up naively excited for another opportunity to say no to self-abandoning and asserting my better judgment towards myself. My shattered family, still haunted by my npd father, goes through hell this time of year. It makes sense to collapse from that weight. I will start coming out of that stint of depression today though; the subtle changes around me have become excruciatingly isolating and I JUST CAN'T go along with it anymore. Brb, gonna go cry on a quilt in the yard littered with all the neighborhood's trash. 😆
What is it about NPD dads? Everyone I know—once you actually begin—it is years of recovery. The hooks, the enmeshment, the ways we subtly gaslight ourselves about what we feel and what we know. UGH!
My love is with you. Enjoy your trash littered quilt cry! I just had myself an ugly breathless bawl in the tub!
Thank you for your work as a hunter. And for helping me recognize and release the predator in my lineage. Your work is important and your language is utterly luscious. Have you ever considered writing fantasy or fiction?
I am glad that this work is beneficial for you. It is an honor to be able to offer it.
I do have a story that I have considered sharing as fiction. It is something that was tickling at me for a while.
As for the "luscious language" part, thank you! It is how I hear it so that is how it comes out. It's nice to find it accessible when I have been away from the practice for a while. A relief, oh, it's still there!
This post has left me sobbing this morning. I realized last night that I had reached a threshold of tolerance again for how much I am willing to dissociate from and suppress the creeping disgust I feel seeping into my bone marrow around one of my roommates. I'd forgotten until you mentioned it that today is the solstice. PHEW, is it timely that it's actually warm and sunny here today. I woke up naively excited for another opportunity to say no to self-abandoning and asserting my better judgment towards myself. My shattered family, still haunted by my npd father, goes through hell this time of year. It makes sense to collapse from that weight. I will start coming out of that stint of depression today though; the subtle changes around me have become excruciatingly isolating and I JUST CAN'T go along with it anymore. Brb, gonna go cry on a quilt in the yard littered with all the neighborhood's trash. 😆
What is it about NPD dads? Everyone I know—once you actually begin—it is years of recovery. The hooks, the enmeshment, the ways we subtly gaslight ourselves about what we feel and what we know. UGH!
My love is with you. Enjoy your trash littered quilt cry! I just had myself an ugly breathless bawl in the tub!
Thank you for your work as a hunter. And for helping me recognize and release the predator in my lineage. Your work is important and your language is utterly luscious. Have you ever considered writing fantasy or fiction?
I am glad that this work is beneficial for you. It is an honor to be able to offer it.
I do have a story that I have considered sharing as fiction. It is something that was tickling at me for a while.
As for the "luscious language" part, thank you! It is how I hear it so that is how it comes out. It's nice to find it accessible when I have been away from the practice for a while. A relief, oh, it's still there!