The Way We Hold Ourselves
Prelude to the Embodied Boundaries Class
Where I end and you begin, that is the easiest boundary to see, feel, and comprehend.
But we are more than our material, physical selves. We are energetic and ecosystemic beings, as well. It doesn’t take an '“empath” to be able to feel into a situation or another individual, and interpret the energetics of what is going on. Emotional and energetic sensitivity is not a superpower, it is what we are neurologically wired for, though some of us may be more inclined in that manner.
Still, sensitivity can be a double-edged sword/gift, and learning to navigate it, awaken it, and tend to it can be a life-long adventure.
When we are wee ones we are dependent on our caregivers to pay attention to, and accurately interpret our emotional and physical cues.
If the adults that are around us when we are the most vulnerable and dependent are, themselves, checked out in some way, we may not receive the sense of safety, security, and belonging that all humans need for healthy development. And a parent or caregiver need not be physically absent, they can be stressed, addicted, or in some other way unavailable. These early attachments imprint on us, somatically, what we come to expect from the world and our relationships. And these early relationships are where we fist learn about boundaries.
Boundaries are often presented as what we say no to, but they are in equal measure how we receive, and what we say yes to. Boundaries can be too rigid, too porous, or practically non-existent, and all of these states impact our well being: physically, emotionally, and relationally.
The cleanest boundaries are requests and invitations. Demands and "cutting” people off tends to occur when we are way past our window of tolerance.
What do I mean by window of tolerance? I am referring to how our nervous system experiences and interprets stimulation—pleasurable and stressful.
We can only “digest” so much energy and so many sensations before we tip into either hyper-stimulation or we shut down. How we “hold” ourselves, and the boundaries that we implement, have a lot to with our emotional and energetic capacity, as well our resilience, that is how quickly we recover when we are venture outside of the window of tolerance.
You see, boundaries—when embodied—have very little do with creating rules and regulations, and a lot more to with creating containers and invitations.
A well-formed boundary elegantly shows you how to be in my world, and allows me to be able to receive you. We need not even bother with boundaries for people with whom we have no desire to interact with, as there is really no conversation that needs to be had. However, when we are getting to that place of integrity within ourselves and how we express it to the outside world, I often offer my clients these phrases to practice.
“No thank you! No. Not interested. And… Absofuckinglutely not!”
These phrases can at times be practiced inside our head, and at times we are the ones who we most need to say them to!
That’s right. Boundaries start with you: how you feel, what you think, and what you need. Once you get clear on those three things that is where the dialogue with the external really begins to change shape.
So often we operating off of “programming” from our family and society that has informed us of who we are, what we are “supposed” to want, how we “should” feel, and what qualifies as a valid need.
Getting to the roots of what is true and meaningful for us is where we begin to tap into our own deeper essence and energy, as well the Primal Reality, which fully supports our need for both bonding and individuation.
Curious to go deeper with this material?
My paid subscribers are welcome to attend a zoom class Wednesday July 12, at 12pm MT. If you are not paid subscriber, you can also register for a $28 fee on my website.
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