Tangled in the Creative Veil

Addressing procrastination, laziness and dare we say complacency.

The moon glowing through the drapes of my living room window.

My thumb slowly pressed the power button on the remote as I let out a sigh of resignation.

I had just finished watching “Passion of Mind” with Demi Moore. It’s an older movie, old enough to still show the Twin Towers in the New York City skyline. In the movie Demi’s character was wavering between two worlds when she would go to bed at night dreaming separate lives each seeming equally real. Right until nearly the end of the movie we are not sure which is which. Is she a mother of two girls, a widow living in an idyllic town in Provence, France? Or is she a high-powered business woman with exquisite taste who lives and works in New York City?  Well…?

What would you choose?

I feel a similar tug right now between who I want to be and how I am behaving. I want to be a writer. A writer writes everyday regardless of whether she publishes or not. A writer loves words and works in solitude. A writer must befriend her loneliness. She must prioritize duty to her craft and create a schedule to which she sticks. She cannot rely on inspiration alone. Inspiration is a fickle bitch. 

What is in the way of me being a writer? Only my gawd-blessed self, of course. Who is it honestly that ever really stands between us and our dreams. 

I am feeling like a privileged little twat to be quite honest. I have just enough clients to eek out a decent living. I have cultivated my inner voice, though I do not always want to hear what she has to say. Words make love through me! It is not that I have a way with words as so many like to say. It is that words have their way with me! My ability to poeticize pain and alchemize experience is my gift. And I know it. So, why am I shying away from it? What am I afraid of? What are any of us afraid of?