44 things for which I am Grateful.

A birthday post.

It’s happening… I’m getting older. And I just had a birthday!

For the most part, I absolutely love aging. There is great satisfaction in witnessing my own maturity unfold, deepen, and ripen. There are things I love now that twenty years ago I couldn’t stand and things then that were staples which absolutely no longer appeal to me.

It’s funny how our bodies and minds change and grow over time. It is meant to be. It is healthy. And it is unavoidable, so we might as well embrace it.

My good friend, the Chocolate Man, suggested I compile a list of 44 things I'm grateful for and, since he is older and even more seasoned than myself, it now seems like a fine idea. Besides, maturity is not merely about aging, anyone can do that. Maturing is about becoming seasoned by life. It is about learning when to bend, compromise, and listen as well as when to speak and how to do it well.

It’s a good practice at any time to remember to be grateful, but it feels especially solidifying and sweet as I start a new year.

So, without further pontificating, let’s begin the list:

44 Things That I am Grateful For (In no particular order.) One for each year.

1. My crow’s/crone’s feet. I know women are supposed to resist visible signs of aging at all costs, but I gotta say: I love those little lines around the corners of my baby blue’s. They appear when I smile or laugh, and it gives me great pleasure to notice them in photos. They are evidence of life lived, loves loved, lost, and wisdom gained.

2. My children. My daughter being the one I birthed, but her daughters as well fall under the province of ‘my girls’. And there is another seedling that could not be that regardless of its inability to root and bloom left an indelible mark on me.

3. Motherhood. There is a difference in being grateful for my children and feeling grateful for my own love of mothering. I have loved mothering long before I ever gave birth. Someone recently saw me as a“fierce litter mother” when I was merely a hot blooded woman child myself. Motherhood is my ‘thread’ that takes me back to me. It is fundamental to who I am.

4. Friendship. I have had many people over the years carry a piece of my heart and I theirs. It is a pleasure, an honor, and a responsibility to have friends, especially what in Gaelic is known as ‘anam cara’—soul friend. To share a friendship ‘rooted’ in the soul is truly a blessed gift.

5. Stubbornness. I know this is often considered a detriment as a personality trait, but I love my stubbornness. Call it tenacity, if you will, but this quality helps me remain firm when that is needed.

6. Crows and magpies. I will lump them together because we have flocks of them in my neighborhood. They travel in pairs or murders. They are sometimes grotesquely noisy, but they form bonds with each other that are sweet to behold. Last year a magpie grieved with me when my tree was cut down and it changed my attitude about their species forever.

7. Cats! My cats, specifically, my cats that I have now: Inanna and Odin. But cats in general are pretty damn spectacular. I have had a cat since I was a baby. The first was Boris. He was a big tuxedo and he slept above me, keeping watch, when I was a baby. There have been many since leading up to this current pair of ‘familiars’. As a witch it is my prerogative to keep cats.

8. The sun is coming through my western window at this moment. It is cooler today. A breeze is blowing. It is warming my left shoulder just so and it is exquisite.

9. The raw wood around my window’s frames. After years of looking at the half-finished window installation it is finally complete. A few are framed in cedar, the others in reclaimed barnwood hand sanded by me.

10. Negative space. I love the eclectic look of many gathered textures, tactiles, colors, and fabrics, but there is something about negative space that lets my mind breathe. Clearing things out, clearing them up creates space physically and mentally and I am into it.

11. Writing. I don’t remember the exact moment I took up a pencil and put it to paper, but it was a very long time ago—at least 3 decades. Writing helps me move energy, see my thoughts and feelings, and communicate what matters to me.

12. My father. Though our relationship has at times felt strained, he really has been a wonderful teacher. I have developed many facets of my own being and looked into some darkly reflective spaces to better understand and implement some of the gifts that man bestowed on me and I am a better person for it and he is who he is—and I love him.

13. My mother…duh! I say this as if you are privy to the relationship I have cultivated with my mom. We have transcended tradition and become fast allies and friends. I don’t know what I would do without my mom.

14. My brothers. Though we are not close, they are my kin. They are people who were raised in many ways closest to me, and we are vastly different. They were fun boys to grow up with, tumultuous at times, sure, and they have become good men.

15. Honesty. As I get older I fidget less with the truth, mostly to myself. There was a period in my life where lying served to conceal who I was and what I was doing, but I was never good at it and it cost me. It eventually cost me everything that I was trying to protect with it, come to think of it. Life is so much more simple when we are honest. It’s clean, clear, and sometimes painful, but beautiful, too. Oh, so beautiful.

16. Beauty. In all shapes, forms, sizes…when it comes to hair, makeup, clothing, furnishing, noticing a moment, planting herbs or flowers, making a meal. Watching someone you love. The way colors dance with each other. The way it can be created from seemingly nothing. Beauty in all its forms is breathtaking.

17. Inner work. It is a gamechanger. I am not talking about sitting in a therapist's chair and bewailing your life once a week. I am talking about taking inventory about what makes you tick? Why? Who are your ancestors and what did they do? What does your inner child need to calm your nerves and let you feel at peace, pissed or whatever needs to move through? Yep. Digging in, owning what we find, and tending it. It is not a process for everyone, but it has probably saved me.

18. Glasses. I have been wearing them since I was maybe 10. Over the years, my prescriptions have gotten stronger. I recently got my first pair of progressives, and boy do I love them.

19. Dancing. Maybe I do it well, maybe not. I move in a way that feels alive for me and that is what matters.

20. Lilies. I have always loved lilies even before I can remember having seen the live flower, I drew the shapes of them in notebooks as a child. I love all varieties, but Stargazers are my favorite. Dappled pink and white with a fragrance that sends me to heaven.

21. Ritual acts as a bridge between the seen and the Unseen worlds. It also bridges the psychic and physical realms. To put intention into action is powerful. To drift from it at times, to feel listless is part of the course, but to return to it is potent and enlivening.

22. Intelligent conversation. Talk to me about anything that excites you that you are informed about. The weirder the better, and I will meet you and try to understand or at the very least explore the realm of your fascination.

23. Discernment. Not everything or everyone is meant for me, and that is okay. And even those and that which contains nuances that are mine to decipher and design how I engage with them.

24. Bumblebees. We would not have life without them, so that is a pretty good reason to love them. But I love them extra because they remind me of a beloved friend, a few actually. We were probably once Melissae—bumblee priestesses. It’s they’re sweet, fuzzy bodies and life-giving ways.

25. Gardens. All gardens. I love my little pots of herbs and perennials, and I will stop and stare at anyone’s garden. I admire people who put their hands in the dirt and grow things—anything. It’s so good for us, good for the soil, good for life.

26. Water. Once again, one of those basic things, but beyond drinking it and needing it to survive it just feels so bloody good to immerse myself in it.

27. Technology. Though using it can sometimes be a double-edged blade, it really does improve the quality of life. It makes it possible for me to share my words and work with the world from anywhere—to you right now who is reading this!—which is pretty remarkable.

28. Pillows. I have loved pillows since I was a little girl. I used to take them off my family’s beds and hoard them on mine. But I also went through a phase where I hand stitched pillows for everyone I love. And now…there is, as always, a huge pile of them on my bed which I am currently leaning against.

29. Music. What would life be without it, honestly? Lately it has been 90’s hip hop while cleaning and remodeling my house. Because I wanna “Schoop!”

30. Fingernail polish. I have liked doing my nails since I was a little girl. I’ve never once put fake ones on, but having my fingertips in different colors delights me. Right now they are a sort of shimmery mermaid green.

31. Mountains. Though I was born on the plains, I was raised in the mountains about 90 minutes from where I live now. There is something about the blue peaks that are dusted in white at least half of the year. They carry an electric charge and encourage rather volatile weather. They split the blue sky with their audacity reaching beyond where most beings can and they elicit a certain type personality to scale them, touch them, bond with them. I guess that’s me, though more often than not, I just like to look.

32. Coffee! How did we make it so far down this list without getting to coffee? If you have read anything I have written, you will inevitably encounter my love of coffee. As I sit now I am sipping a cup that has gone mostly cold in the pre-dawn hours in my little, tin cottage. It had the requisite honey and heavy cream, made in my Bodum pour over the only companion I want or need when I awake at 4am and cannot sleep. Is it caffeine? Of course! But more so much more. It is comfort, ritual, and relationship.

33. My couch. I recently got a new one. The old one was an actual pain in the ass to sit on. And though it may encourage me to lose myself in the Netflix trance on more occasions than is absolutely good for me, it is so comfy!

34. Summer. As it is winding down now this is the time I appreciate the most. The golden haze that transitions August into September. Cooler nights and morning hazy afternoons and the promise of decay which in some way feels comforting.

35. The ability to pause. I find myself pausing a lot lately. I pause between thoughts, between words sometimes, between sentences. Pausing as opposed to rushing feels new and a bit unfamiliar at times, but I am getting used to it.

36. Jewelry! As I am typing my rings are rattling against the keys and it is reminding me how much I appreciate the art of self decoration. Rings carry memories. Necklaces can tie us to different times, places, and people. They are also talismans for those of us who bind and sense energy in objects. And dang, they are pretty!

37. My home. My little tin cottage. I have been pouring hours and resources into refining this space, getting it sealed up for the upcoming winter. I am a homebody and hearth magic worker and a kitchen witch. Home really is where my heart is.

38. Freckles! My lovely little lady dog, not the ones on my face, though I do like those, too. This little Mini Aussie is a friend and gift and so different from other dogs I have had. It has been pleasurable work bringing her out of her ‘shell’. And it was well worth the wait to find her.

39. My health. I have always had a robust if sensitive constitution. My tummy speaks to me of troubles and my nose knows danger, but I rarely get ill and when I do, I recover quickly. I get a great sense of pleasure when clinicians gape at the fact I’m not on any meds. “None?” None. Not even birth control for more than 24 years. My body speaks to me and I listen.

40. Boots! I have a collection and they get worn more than any other shoe style I own because, in case you forgot, I live in Montana. I recently bought a pair of teal and gold cowgirl boots that are just so me and they will go with practically everything in my closet.

41. Art. Of all kinds. I am currently looking at the “Starry Night” by Van Gough. It is my favorite painting. My print has been with me for nearly 20 years and it is currently hanging above my dining room table. Art is life, is Earth, Heart, and all we are. We are all art and it’s good to remember.

42. Food! Beautiful meals simply prepared, artful dinners graciously shared. Food, too, is life. I love to eat, to cook, and to feed the ones I love.

43. Rain, thunder, and lighting, too! We need some now; it is dry and there are fires in the distance that need quenching. The ground feels parched. You hear me, Mamma? We need your tears.

44. You! You, the person reading this. Though we may never have met or spoken or looked in each other’s eyes. I am glad you are here, alive at this time. I am glad that we are also connected.

And there we have it! My 44 things. It felt good to take the last week to let them percolate and filter to the surface. Feel free to share some of yours in the comments, if so inspired.

Oh! And it’s just staring to rain.

Lotsa love,

~Justice